A lot gets said when discussing the dating scene but perhaps one of the most interesting debates is quality vs. quantity. Though the following should under no circumstances be considered “professional research” think on this…
In order to date a girl you must meet 3 minimum requirements
For the sake of this article, longevity (and sanity) we won’t discuss many of the specifics after she has agreed to take your number, give you hers, or arranges a meeting.
Let’s do a small exercise in probability. I would have to assume that you don’t have too many prospects within the realm of people that you know and see on a regular basis. The reason for this assumption is that if you have prospects among that group, you’re in a far better position than most. Additionally there are a set amount of people you can know.
This is the core of the debate, a quality prospect is someone you know about, you’ve interacted with several times, there’s chemistry and though (s)he might not be the one, it’s better to date the devil you know rather than the devil you don’t.
If you have limited prospects, do you begin seeking out potentials among the barren fields of the people you already know? No, it’s time to bite the bullet and meet somebody new.
This can be a major problem for a lot of singles. Many people can’t stand the awkwardness that is the “dance.” In meeting someone new you have to be charming, talk about your job, your family, your education your favorite color and your pet peeves over and over again. On top of all this repetition is the very real chance that you will be rejected, not for a trivial reason, but for who and what you are… and that hurts.
Having the resolve to meet new people with the intention of dating them is (obviously) critical to dating.
When seeking quality the first step is generally to meet new people with the intention of being friends. People who seek quality take their time, don’t rush things and often get stuck in the dreaded “friendship zone”
Quantity seekers make fast judgments and rely on a large number of approaches. A quantity seeker may often get the label of player or lady killer but this may not be the case. A friend of mine who resolved to get a date for every weekday discovered this. The raw approaches necessary for let’s say an average guy is 15. It takes roughly 15 raw approaches to land one date. That’s 14 rejections, the casual viewer might think he is a player, eyeing anything he can, but really, does he have much of a choice?
What am I trying to say with all this? Let’s explore the often used analogy that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Quality seekers will often use a fishing rod hoping for the best, while quality seekers put out a net (and though they may get a bad rap for catching too many fish) they can at least make a choice between which ones they think will be the best fit.
The difference between somebody who is a quality seeker and a quantity seeker are only in the approach, not the end game. So long as no one is maliciously trying to hurt someone both approaches should be respected. So many of us are trying to find somebody why would we think we are all trying to do it the same way?
Approaches could come on the subway, on the street (though it’s really hard!) in the grocery store, at the coffee shop or even at an intersection when you in your car and the guy in front of you gets out to ask you for your number. (Trust me, it’s happened… and worked)
What you need to remember when you get approached is to keep an open mind, you caught someone’s eye and they had the guts to put themselves out there, meeting new people is interesting isn’t it?