What is love? Seems like an easy enough question to ask, but could you really come up with an easy answer?
Unlike the masses, I only just got around to watching loveactually two weeks ago. And yes, just like the theme song stresses over, and over and over again – love really is all around and if you look you’ll be able to see it everywhere. At Christmas, in the airport, at a stop light, at a wedding, funeral and even a hockey game. It’s there.
But where is it in a relationship? When do you say it? And what’s the difference between loving someone and being in love with them?
I have a growing stack of books on my coffee table, book shelf and make-shift bedside table which all talk about love – the right time to say it, what it means, what it implies and the reality of it all, it’s all shit. Love is so simply complex there’ll be a million more books written about it before anyone really figures it out.
So why write about it? Why even try?
Well, the truth is – I need to believe that someone out there believes in the same ridiculous things that I do, and you in turn need to read it to determine if you’re at the very least not as crazy/delusional as me – or not alone in your thinking.
I’ve been surrounded by love my whole life. New love, true love, unrequited love, forbidden love are just some of the few ways to describe the different ways to love but when it comes to relationships, there’s really only two.
Love, and being in-love.
There are two schools of thought on this. There are some who believe you fall in-love with someone and when the honeymoon is over you settle into a comfortable existence of mutual respect and love. The other school is the one which sees repeat students in the form of artists, poets, musicians, and the truly romantic who believe that the two are very different, and if you fall out of love there’s nothing left for you but misery (and a window of opportunity to create something beautiful).
The reality, in my youthful opinion, is somewhere between the two. I think you need to love someone to sustain any relationship, especially for those times when you might not be so in-love with the person you’re with. But, I also fully believe in being in-love and doing what you can to keep that feeling alive.
My grandfather recent passed away, three weeks before what would have been my grandparents 58th wedding anniversary. Even in their 70s, they cuddled on the couch, stole a moment here and there for a kiss and shared a bed. They respected each other, loved each other but more importantly were in-love with each other. I know people who have been together less than five years and though they say ‘I love you’ all the time – I just don’t see it anymore.
So, what is love? Well – I guess that’s what this entire section is about. Talking about it, trying to identify it and trying to understand it while learning to not be afraid of it.
Next column: When to say I love you the first time, and when you really mean it.